You've received information that your boyfriend is cheating. If you had no suspicions at all, you're probably in a state of shock. Before you take any action at all, confirm that the information you received was accurate. Try to confirm the facts through two or three different sources.
When you're convinced that it's true, take some time to grieve. It's O.K. to be upset, you're facing the probable demise of a relationship that has meant a lot to you. Cry, stamp your feet, write a furious letter, call a girlfriend to commiserate with you. Do whatever you have to, to overcome the initial shock and disappointment.
Allow yourself two or three days with no contact. Don't answer his calls. If he comes to the house, have your parents say you're not available. If you're alone, don't answer the door. If he gives up easily, accept the obvious. The relationship is over and he was just waiting for an easy way to break off with you.
If he continues to try to make contact, you must decide what you would like the final outcome to be.
If you hate him and never want to see him again, now is the time to inform him of the fact in no uncertain terms. How you do it is up to you. Take the route that will be easiest for you. He has relinquished the right to your thoughtful consideration. You may phone, write, e-mail, text message or tell him in person. Whatever method you choose, the message should come from you; don't go through a third person. The relationship was just between the two of you. The ending should be the same way. That way, there will be no doubts or misunderstandings.
If, on the other hand, you still have feelings for him and want to try again, you'll have to handle the situation very shrewdly. When you feel you can face him and be reasonably calm, arrange to meet at a coffee shop or other neutral ground. Take along with you any gifts or mementos you may want to return. This will show him that you mean business and will not accept this type of behavior. Then, just listen.
Listen and try to sort out the reasons, the lies, the excuses, the extenuating circumstances and whatever else he tries to drag into the mix. You should know him well enough to recognize whether or not he is telling the truth. Only you can decide whether you want to give him a second chance to break your heart.
There's one danger signal of which you should beware: he may try to blame someone else for his behavior. He may claim to have been tricked, or seduced, or misled, instead of accepting full responsibility for his actions.
He may even have the audacity to try to blame you: you were too busy, or you weren't paying enough attention to him or you didn't sympathize enough with his problems. This is childish. He's reverted to the little boy who always tried to escape blame. "Mom, it's not my fault; she MADE me do it!"
This is the voice of an immature individual who will always try to avoid responsibility for his actions. He has a great ability to rationalize his misdeeds. He'll always be able to convince himself that it's someone else's fault when he does wrong.
This is the clue you need, a signal to step away from the whole situation. This is not the strong, responsible person you should be looking for, with whom you will start a family. Leave him for someone else to deal with. Who needs the aggravation? You can do much better than this poor excuse for a man.
On the other hand, he may express genuine remorse and offer a sincere apology. You may sense that he really means it and want to give him another chance. The decision is up to you; anyone can make a mistake and everyone deserves a second chance. In this case, the whole relationship needs to be examined.
He may not be ready to settle down to an exclusive relationship. Perhaps you both should date others as well as each other for awhile. Play the field before you decide to settle on one partner. Incidences of cheating, difficult as they are, are better experienced before marriage than after. Both partners need to be very sure before they make a final decision about with whom they wish to spend the rest of their lives.
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