It seems as if young people are starting to date earlier and earlier these days. There are school dances for senior elementary students in some areas, and from attending co-ed dances, it is only a small step to wanting to spend time together in other places: at the movies, on the beach, or at a classmate's birthday party. Hence, some teenagers begin dating about the same time as they start high school.
When teens date, living at home is not a problem. Their peer group are at the same stage of life and also living at home. In fact, it is unusual if one of the group is not living at home or at least with a older family member, even if away from the parental residence.
For the under-eighteen crowd, dating problems usually center around what time the child must be home, how many nights a week he is allowed to date, and whether or not he is allowed to use the family car. Because teens are always seeking more independence, there will be disagreements from time to time, but in the end, the adult's word is law. Wise parents will become skilled in the art of negotiation, if they hope to traverse this troublesome period and retain a good relationship with their child.
The college or university years are seldom problematic. Most young people are living away from home, either in dormitories or in other residences close to their schools. They may be involved many escapades which their parents will never hear about, and that's very much to everyone's benefit.
Difficulties begin when a young adult moves back home. He or she rightfully expects to be treated as an adult, but to many moms and dads, their child will always be just that: their child. Superior negotiating skills will be necessary if the arrangement is to work out. The following guidelines may be helpful:
* The young adult should have no restrictions on the hours he chooses to come and go, and he should have his own key. It is best if he can have a separate, private entrance, but if this is impossible he should leave and enter the house as quietly as possible when other family members are asleep.
* He is entitled to privacy. Parents must agree not to quiz him about his dates, or where he has been. When and if he's ready to introduce a special friend to the family, he will do so.
* His friends may to visit in the evening, but he should check with his parents first, in case they are having company of their own.
*If the parents are uncomfortable with co-ed "sleepovers", he must respect their wishes. It is, after all, their house.
* Many people on the dating scene are reluctant to get serious with anyone still living at home. For this reason, when he meets that special someone, he should assure her that the arrangement is only temporary. If not working, he should actively seek employment, and begin saving for a place of his own.
In nature, the young grow up, leave the nest, and become self-sufficient. For humans too, this is the normal sequence of events. However, sometimes, due to unforeseen circumstances, an adult child will return home for a period of time to "get on their feet". They may be experiencing difficulty because of a divorce, a job loss, an illness or other misfortune. That's fine; in fact, that's what families are for, to help out in times of trouble.
However, for the benefit of everyone involved, the return to the nest should be as brief as possible. Parental guidance is essential when a young teenager is beginning to date, but it can be extremely detrimental when the adult child is ready to seek and find a permanent partner.
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