No two people will agree on everything, all the time. Disagreements are almost unavoidable when people interact with each other frequently or on a daily basis. Arguments can be hurtful episodes which weaken the entire relationship, or they can be a means for clearing the air and resolving problems.
Here are some tips to help make those unavoidable disagreements a means of resolving contentious issues and strengthening the bond between two persons:
1. Don't raise your voice. You cannot shout the other person into submission. You will only succeed in sounding like a bully.
2. Don't use vulgar language. You may offend the other person, who will then focus on your inappropriate language rather than on the disputed issue.
3. Don't bring up past sins and offenses. Stick to the present problem.
4. Don't start an argument when the other person is tired, hungry, or stressed about another problem. When his or her parent is gravely ill, it is not the time to criticize habitual untidiness.
5. Don't start when company's due in fifteen minutes. Choose a time you're likely to be alone together for a reasonable amount of time.
6. Don't quote gossip or hearsay. Stick to personal observations and interactions, and state clearly how they made you feel. Relate what you think should have happened and why.
7. Don't walk out. If you need a break, go and make a coffee for you both, go to the washroom, or just lie on your bed and do deep breathing for a few minutes.
8. Don't monopolize the conversation. Try to listen, really listen, at least as much as you speak.
9. Don't keep a closed mind. Try to be fair. Remember there are two sides to every story.
10. Don't be afraid to compromise. If a solution can be found with which you both can live, that may be a satisfactory resolution for the present.
11.Don't lose your temper and never allow the argument to become physical. That's a one-way ticket to a jail cell.
12. Don't just leave the matter hanging. If no agreement can be arrived at within a reasonable time, suggest that the problem needs more deliberation. Set a definite time and place in few days, for a further discussion.
13.Don't sulk, be miserable or be hard to live with in the meantime.
14. If after one more session, you still have failed to settle the argument, it's time to get help. Seek out a trusted third party, a clergyman or a counselor to mediate the disagreement.
15. Don't share your side of the story with friends and family members. After the problem is solved and you have both moved on, it may return to haunt you by way of someone else's unguarded comment.
Arguments can be either helpful or destructive to a relationship. Following the above ground rules will help assure an outcome which will be advantageous to each party.
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