How to forget someone you'll never see again

Unfortunately, you can't will yourself to forget anyone, no matter how much you'd like to. Human beings aren't made that way. Every significant relationship in which we've participated throughout life is indelibly etched in our memory.

Some people you never want to forget: loving parents, family members, friends and those who have helped or taught us valuable lessons along the way. And then, there are the others: those who have caused hurt, feelings of inferiority or hopelessness, those whose influence in our lives has been negative, those whom we wish we'd never met.

In time, they may physically depart, but they'll often pop up, unbidden, into our mind. You wish they were completely, permanently, absolutely gone from your thoughts as well as from your environment. That won't happen but there is a method by which you can relegate them to the very back row of vaults in your memory bank.

On a day when you know you'll be undisturbed for several hours, sit down and write them a letter. Write about every nasty thing they ever did to you and tell how it made you feel. Take your time. As you write, relive the displeasure, the hurt, the disappointments, the frustrations this individual has caused you. Pour out your heart. Don't hold anything back. Then, picture the culprit sitting across from you and read your letter aloud. Imagine his reaction. Will he be decent enough to admit his faults and apologize, or will he bluff his way through, try to blame you, others, or circumstances for his sins, offenses and failures?

Then remember that he's gone: you'll never see him again. If you hang on to these negative thoughts and emotions, you're only hurting yourself; he'll never even know. Only a simpleton would continue on a course that would only harm himself. Hasn't this person caused you enough grief?

End your final communication on a note of forgiveness. Send best wishes for the rest of his life and say farewell. Then take the letter and destroy it ... burn it, throw it in a river, put it out in the trash on Garbage Day, cut it into confetti and flush it, do whatever it takes to get it completely and finally out of your life. As it disappears, send your bad feelings for the intended recipient along with it.

This remedy may not work completely right away. Whenever an unwelcome thought pops up, say "You're history! Be gone!" And mean it. The recurrences will become less and less.

Remember, nature abhors a vacuum. Whatever place this person held in your life, try to replace him with a better choice. If he was a spouse or lover, go shopping for a replacement. If he was a boss or co-worker, consider switching departments or jobs. If he was a false friend, try to meet new contacts. The world is full of nice people. It is unnecessary and senseless to waste time and emotional energy on the other kind.

You will never completely erase anyone from your memory, but you can deny them frequent access to your consciousness. In a decade or two, you may choose to rethink the whole matter and see what lessons were to be extracted from the experience. Time does heal all wounds. But for now, "Forgive and forget", should be your motto and the goal toward which you strive.