You decide it's time to break off the relationship with your current partner. There may have been no specific incident to trigger the decision, just a growing indifference to your significant other and the whole situation. You want out; you want to be free.
Unfortunately, you know your partner has no such doubts and is likely to react badly to your decision. You do not wish to hurt him or her. They have done nothing to deserve unkind treatment. Still, being in a one-sided relationship is unfair to both of you. It's best to call a halt and move on, and the sooner, the better.
You do not enjoy drama. You have no wish to see the other in tears, begging for another chance to win your love. You know that will never happen. The best and kindest way to bid farewell may be by letter. You need to state your case kindly but firmly, leaving few avenues for response.
Here is a suggested outline for composing such a missive. It may be amended as needed to suit your particular case.
Paragraph 1: take the blame for choosing such a cowardly way of ending the relationship. Admit to lacking courage, but state that you are very sure of your feelings and believe that there is no benefit to either of you in continuing to see each other exclusively. You are not ready to go steady ( or for an engagement, or to settle down, or to marry, or whatever the next logical step in your relationship might have been). State that you are sorry for the grief this letter will cause, but that your decision is final.
Paragraph 2: try to remove as much pain and self-blame as you can from the other party. Thank them for the kindness, the good times, and the effort they have invested in the relationship. Mention some of their better qualities: their self-assurance, their cooking ability, their sense of humor, their green thumb, or whichever talents you have noted or from which you have benefited . Express confidence that there will be some lucky individual in the future who will be able to give them the affection, appreciation and whole-hearted loyalty they deserve.
Paragraph 3: tie up any loose ends. You returned the library books and paid the overdue fine. You won't be able to lend your canoe to his brother, but give the name of a reliable rental agency in town. You have changed to another dentist, so it will not be necessary to visit her uncle every six months. Try to remove every possible link between the two of you, so there will be few occasionswhen you need ever just happen to "run into" each other in the future.
Paragraph 4: assure your former partner that you will not be talking to mutual friends behind their back. The story you intend to tell is that you parted by mutual agreement and that you are still friends. You simply decided you weren't right for each other as lifetime partners and have both decided to move on; no accusations, no regrets. It's no one else's business. What happened between you will remain private, as far as you are concerned.
Closing: Wish them good luck, all the best for the future and hope that every dream comes true. Sign the letter.
Then, bundle up every single thing you have which belongs to the other person and deliver it, by night if necessary, to their front door step. Attach the letter to the top, in plain sight.
It would be ideal if you could leave town for a week or two. If not, make yourself completely unavailable. Don't answer the phone, don't text, and stay away from your usual haunts. Your ex needs time to recover from the shock, to grieve, and to reconnect with old friends. It's the least you can do.
Learn a lesson from this experience and resolve that next time, you will not let a relationship get so involved before you decide to call it quits. Escaping from it again is just too hard on everybody!
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