How to find the right partner

How can you find the right partner if you're not sure what you're looking for? The first step in your search must be to take a long, careful at yourself.

Assess your personality, your likes and dislikes, your lifestyle and idiosyncrasies. This may take some deep reflection. You may need to spend several sessions on your quest for self-knowledge.

1. Start a journal entitled: "All About Me". Write down the results of your self-reflection. It may be as lengthy as you wish but don't expect that you'll finally finish. Even the final draft will need revision as you date potential partners and find other character traits which you simply cannot tolerate.

You might realize that you are essentially an introvert. You like books, TV, home movies, animals, and family celebrations. You have an excellent work ethic and after a busy day on the job you prefer to spend quiet evenings at home. You can cook the necessary basics to sustain life, but cooking is not your favorite activity.

Weekends are quiet, except for a visit to your parents, and church on Sunday. You absolutely hate the idea of hunting and fishing for sport, because of the suffering caused to the creatures involved. Also, the use of crude or offensive language is an immediate turnoff for you.

2. Reread your description of yourself and using it as a reference, try to imagine a person who would be your ideal mate. You can use the second half of your journal for this endeavor and entitle it "All About Him/Her".

Obviously, he must be steadily employed. Since your work is such an important part of your life, you would not respect a freeloader. He should enjoy quiet evenings at home, and not be seriously into the bar scene. If he were moderately sociable, it would be an asset; it might draw you out of your shell, but you would certainly not tolerate someone loud or brash.

His language must be smooth and respectable. He must not be a hunter or fisherman. If he enjoyed watching sports on TV, would you be content to read a book? Now is the time to consider it. He should be satisfied with plain cooking and not expect his mate to whip up gourmet fare. If he, himself enjoyed cooking, that would be an important plus.

Now you have a basic blueprint for your ideal partner. It's time for Step Three.

3. Start the actual search. Your character outline will provide clues as to where to look: the library, book stores, movie rental shops, restaurants serving wholesome, family-style meals, evening courses, laundromats, grocery stores, political meetings. Share with friends the type of mate you're seeking. They may arrange a blind date, or have helpful suggestions to add to the front or the back half of your journal.

As your character sketch becomes more detailed, you'll be able to decide very quickly whether or not the date of the day is a potential lifetime partner.

4. Keep searching, no matter how long it takes. Your future is important, and a lifetime of happiness and wedded bliss hang in the balance. Be careful that you don't compromise too many of your stipulations.

This is definitely one time you should not settle for second best.