How could I have been so stupid?" You wring your hands and bemoan the loss of the person you once believed to be your true soul-mate. Whether the break-up was initiated by you or by the other party, the emptiness feels like an unrelenting toothache in the general area of your heart. How can you ease the ache, and start the healing process?
It is important to recognize that this is a time to be good to yourself. You have experienced the death of a relationship, one that was important to you. You need time to grieve. Cry if you feel like it. Invite good friends over, one at a time, and rehash the whole affair over and over again, until even you are getting tired of talking about it. Eventually, you'll realize that your grief is spent, and it's time to move on.
You are on your own again. It's time to focus on you, to be your own best friend. Start with your immediate environment. Do you really like your living quarters? Do the colours and furnishings reflect only your taste and personality? You could paint, buy a few pieces of furniture, or choose different pictures for the walls- items that say, "This is me and this is what I like." Try to create surroundings that are totally you, where you can be relaxed and comfortable.
In your quest to rediscover yourself as an unattached single, make a list of things you like to do. Without having to consider the likes and dislikes of anyone else, what activities have you enjoyed by yourself in the past? Prioritize the items on your list from most enjoyable to least. Starting at the top, resolve to engage in at least several of your previously-favourite activities each week.
What solitary hobbies did have before you became one-half of a couple? Did you knit, do woodworking, collect coins or crochet? Buy fresh supplies of whatever you need and rededicate your efforts to making an item or collection that will showcase your talent.
You are now the sole possessor of the remote control for the TV. Make up your own personal TV Guide. You'll have to watch the latest offerings until you decide which are enjoyable enough to put on your list.
Make up a weekly menu and prepare a shopping list. This can be fun, because you'll buy only food you like. It's OK to treat yourself for a while, to celebrate you new-found freedom and independence. If you'd like to have ice cream and strawberries for breakfast, go ahead.
Would you like to have a pet? Depending on your circumstances, a kitten or a puppy would be great company. Even a small aquarium mitigates the feeling of coming home to an empty apartment. A budgie or parakeet can be trained to greet you by name.
When you are comfortably settled into your routine as an unattached single, look around for some ways in which you can be of help to others less fortunate. If friends and family don't need your attention at the moment, consider volunteering at a hospital or seniors' complex or at your church. You'll soon find that your schedule is so crowded, that you may have to cut back on some of the personal pastimes you'd launched just for your own pleasure.
Inevitably, sooner or later, you'll meet another potential partner with whom you might want to share your life. Remember the lessons learned from the last relationship. Don't give up your independence and keep the self-confident person you have become, ready to emerge again in the blink of an eye.
Nothing is certain in this life but change. The only constant companion you can truly count on, is yourself.
No comments:
Post a Comment