Jealousy is a painful and destructive emotion. It is torturous for the one who suffers from it and it creates stress and frustration for the person who is its target. Moreover, it often destroys relationships which could have been rewarding and permanent for both people involved.
Jealousy usually rears its ugly head after a person has been betrayed in a marriage or a relationship which was very important to them. The husband or wife of an unfaithful spouse often becomes subject to fits of unreasonable jealousy whether or not the marriage remains intact.
"If it happened once, it can happen again," becomes the anxious refrain played over and over within the bruised psyche of the injured party. Even when that marriage or relationship is terminated and the betrayed partner is in a new relationship, he or she can be haunted by the shock and pain caused by the former infidelity.
Jealousy is a result of a poor self-image. Because of a former betrayal, or perhaps because of an unhappy childhood, with the absence of enough positive affirmation during the formative years, the individual comes to believe that he or she is not attractive enough, or smart enough, or virtuous enough to deserve or keep the love of anyone worthwhile.
A person in the clutches of jealousy continually expects that the partner will be unfaithful and they will search for signs of infidelity. While in this state of mind, the jealous person is miserable. They cannot trust, or feel relaxed and secure. It is as if they are forever hovering on the brink of a dark and bottomless chasm, expecting at any moment to be pushed over the edge.
It is not their fault. It will do good to advise them, "Snap out of it!". They can't. They need professional help, along with a patient, understanding partner to help them overcome the green-eyed monster.
What about the object of unreasonable jealousy? It is a very uncomfortable position in which to find oneself. No matter how attentive or accommodating one may be, they are never trusted or given credit for unfaltering devotion. They are constantly viewed with distrust and suspicion. They may even be followed, spied upon and their personal e-mail, phone messages and correspondence regularly checked. No romance will last long under these conditions.
The victim of the jealousy may figure, "Well, I'm being blamed for all kinds of treachery and infidelity anyway. I may as well do it." It's not difficult to understand why the disillusioned partner would experience such temptation.
How can the problem of jealousy be overcome? A trained therapist will help identify the source of the negative self-image, and then work with the client to find ways of coping and eventually overcoming the problem. It can be done, but it will take lots of openness, cooperation and effort.
This is an aspect of a failed marriage or relationship which is often overlooked. If you or someone you love has been through a break-up in which a spouse or partner has been unfaithful, see to it that an appointment is made with a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist as soon as possible. The successful outcome of the next relationship, indeed the happiness of the rest of that person's life, may depend on it. Don't delay.
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