How to cope with being alone and childless

This title gives the impression that someone is feeling very sorry for themselves. "Poor me! I'm all alone. I have no children, no family nearby. Woe is me!"

The first thing to do is change that attitude. It's true that human beings are social animals; we are not meant to be alone. However, harboring such a gloomy outlook and hanging black crepe around is not going to improve the situation at all. Begin by counting your blessings.

Many people are childless by choice. The cost of raising a child today is over $200,000, plus unlimited demands on the parents' time and energy. Children are certainly a blessing, but they are also a huge, long-term responsibility. Being childless is a two-sided coin. Resolve for the next month to concentrate on the positive aspects.

You have no children, but you have more disposable income. You are not restricted by the inescapable responsibilities children bring. Your time is your own. Now, how will you choose to spend it?

Now, to the "alone" problem. Are you really alone? Do you live on a desert island in the middle of the ocean? Probably not. There are probably people within a quarter-mile radius of you right now.

The people in your neighborhood are not all members of big, happy families. They probably include seniors, shut-ins, widows and widowers, young working couples, divorced people, single parent families, just as wide a spectrum of human living arrangements as can be found in any contemporary community. Many of these people are in worse physical, emotional and mental states than you.

Now you have a choice. Will you continue to sit and wallow in self-pity or will you resolve to reach out and make a difference in your corner of the world?

Why not give it a try for one month? You can always return to the pity party later, if you find you are not happier being involved in the life of your community.

Here are some suggestions with which to start off:

* Make a mental inventory of your strengths. Are you good with children, with sick people, with the elderly? Volunteer in a school, a hospital or a seniors' home once a week.

* Find a church community where you feel comfortable. It doesn't matter whether you feel particularly spiritual or not. Churches have many social activities and members are usually friendly and welcoming.

* If you're really missing children, become a Big Brother or a Big Sister. You could be a significant part of a child's life by giving something his or her biological parents can't or won't provide.

* Get a computer. When you're connected to the Internet, the entire world is at your fingertips. Monitor one of the chat networks for awhile. Eventually, you may find that you want to add some comments of your own. Just be cautious about giving personal information until you're sure with whom you're dealing.

* Take a course which follows one of your areas of interest. You'll meet fellow students with a similar interest. Friendships may blossom which will be enriching for you both.

* If your living arrangements allow it, get a pet. You'd be amazed at how many people stop to admire a cute puppy or kitten on a leash when you take your pet for a walk.

* Don't be afraid to go places by yourself: a movie, the neighborhood coffee shop, the library, or the burger joint. If you're in a risky neighborhood, go during daylight hours. Many an interesting acquaintance has begun over a coffee at "Dunkin' Doughnuts".

* Everyone has to have some time alone, and many of us treasure those moments. Find an engrossing hobby, reading, writing, handwork, crosswords, something you enjoy, and save it for those moments. Enjoyable hobbies make time pass quickly.

If you follow the above regimen for one month, you'll discover that you're involved in interesting activities with new friends who will enrich your life even as as you are enriching theirs.

You may wish to write to a new title next time: " How to cope with having too many friends and too much to do".