Accept people for who they are

"He's a pretty good guy, " said the prospective young bride. "After we're married a while, he'll be just about perfect!" The foolish young lady was setting herself up to be disillusioned. She was planning to change her mate. You can never change anyone's basic qualities. You can only try to adapt to them.

People come into our lives with pre-programmed characters. They are a mixture of their genetic inheritance, their upbringing, and their experiences in life thus far. Some folks you will like immediately, and wish to include in your circle of friends.

Others you will find repulsive. You will not be able to leave their company quickly enough.

Most people you meet initially fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. They are pleasant enough at first. As you become better acquainted, you will mentally move them toward one end of the scale or the other.

THE GOOD

Most people seem nice when you first meet them. As the acquaintance progresses, you'll notice faults and imperfections; after all, none of us are perfect.

Perhaps the faults are minor: he talks too much, she tends to be lazy or he watches too many sport programs on television. The bad features may be counterbalanced with qualities you really admire: he gets along well with your family, she loves to cook and is an excellent chef, he can fix anything mechanical without turning a hair.

The secret to making a friendship or a relationship successful is to accept the whole person, faults and attributes alike. Don't waste time and energy trying to change basic personality traits ; it's a mission doomed to failure. If you want to continue the association, accept the person as they are and try to adjust your behaviour accordingly.

THE BAD

There are others whom you have to accept as they are, as much as you hate to do so, because they may have some very appealing qualities. He may be the handsomest guy you've ever met, but he's married with six kids. Accept it and move on.

She may be great company and popular with your friends, but you know she's a confirmed alcoholic with no desire to quit drinking. There's no future here for you. Accept her as she is, and move on.

He may be good-looking, generous and romantic. However, he's awaiting a court date to be tried for armed robbery for the sixth time. Do not plan on changing him. Do not try to adapt. Use the common sense the good Lord gave you and run, don't walk away from the situation .

Accepting people for who they are mitigates much of the conflict and frustration in life. The prospective young bride should be deliberating on her future in this way: "This is how my intended has evolved to this point in his life. Can I live with him just as he is, faults and all, and be happy?

If she enters the marriage with a realistic outlook, and directs her efforts to adapting to her spouse's personality, and maximizing areas of mutual agreement and compatibility, there is a much better chance they'll be together, happily celebrating their first anniversary at this time next year.