When an engagement is broken, who keeps the ring?

The evening a young couple becomes engaged is typically a romantic, idyllic occasion. The nervous, prospective groom kneels before his intended bride and offers her a ring, a sign of his love, and he asks her to be his wife. It's probably the most expensive ring he can afford. In fact, it may be more than he can afford, and he's possibly saddled himself with payments on it for months to come.

The young lady is overjoyed. She has been waiting for this moment for weeks. She accepts the ring with stars in her eyes, and as her Romeo slips it on her finger, she believes that she is probably the happiest and the luckiest girl in the world! "Of course, I'll marry you," she promises. A passionate, lingering kiss and embrace seal the agreement between the two lovers.

Let's fast forward this amorous scenario to six months later. Things have drastically changed.

Our young Juliette is once more face-to-face with her Romeo, but this time the ring is passed from her hand to his. It seems that her employer, an older, more experienced and very wealthy man, upon noticing her engagement ring, suddenly realized that he had loved her all along. He has declared his love and literally swept her off her feet. In this case, Juliette breaks their agreement and she should return the ring.

Alternately, it could have happened that Romeo, after a few drinks, had a one-night stand with a cocktail waitress, who just happened to be Juliette's second cousin. Family being family, it didn't take long for the word to reach his fiancee's fair ear. When asked to meet Juliette at her home, Romeo is confronted by both girls, and he has no defense. He is responsible for the broken agreement; he loses Juliette and the ring.

What if the engagement is broken by mutual agreement? Suppose, for the honeymoon, Juliette wants to visit her grandmother in Miami, Florida. Romeo is determined to visit his grandfather who is seriously ill in Nome, Alaska. Neither party will give in. An intense argument ensues and the engagement is broken by mutual consent. There is no more promise of marriage. The agreement to wed, made between the young couple, no longer exists.

The situation returns to what it was prior to the agreement being made. Romeo owns the ring. He may be able to return it and at least escape the obligation of making further payments. Juliette again has no ring, but she has prospects of having this one replaced in the near future by a more ostentatious one.

The best way to solve the dilemma of who keeps the engagement ring after the break-up:  the one who breaks the engagement forfeits the ring. If the engagement is broken by mutual agreement, the girl should return the ring.

In actuality, there are often so many hard feelings involved in the breakup, that possession becomes 9/10 of the law and the girl will keep the ring. Even if she knows she should return it, and he would like to have it back, neither of them wishes to be near enough to the other for the ring to be returned to its rightful owner.

Tips for men dating single moms

If you don't like kids, forget the whole idea. When dating a single mom, the children are part of the package. This fact may not be evident at first, but as soon as your date begins to really like and trust you, she'll introduce you the most important people in her life: her children.

If she's a good mom, her children will be her number one priority and you'll have to accept this. In fact, you should admire her for it. It's a sign that she honors her commitments. If and when she decides to make a permanent commitment to you, she won't treat it lightly. You'll be able to trust her with your heart, your wallet, and your future.

How you win your date's trust and affection is your concern. Be assured that she values the same qualities as most women: politeness, quiet strength, thoughtfulness, interest in her life and activities, dependability, and the ability to be calm and rational in a crisis. Single parent families tend to have a lot of crises.

I'll leave the romance department to your discretion. In this article, I'll give you tips of how to gain acceptance, at least, from the children. You need to lead them gradually to the realization that you'd be a definite benefit to have as part of the family.

The journey to this goal can be slow. Children in single parent families often have a poor image of men in general, especially if their father was abusive, had anger issues, or the divorce process was long and bitter. If they believe they've been rejected and almost abandoned by one man, they're not going to be in a great rush to trust another, especially a stranger.

The first meetings should be short and casual. Be friendly, smile, inquire about their interests and their school work. The occasional small inexpensive gift would be fine, such as a comic book, or a package of gum .Don't overdo it. You want them to look forward to your company, not your gifts.

The first outings together should be family-type trips: going to the ice cream shop, to a parade, something casual, there and back, a fun while it lasted but then back to routines, type of deal.

Keep your eyes open for ways to help that only a man can do right: fix a bike, show a boy how to tie a necktie, help with Algebra homework, explain how to train a puppy, things like that. With access to Google these days, you can learn quickly anything you need.

The first time they ask their mom if you can stay for supper, or whether she'll call and ask you over in the evening to help with homework or some other child-oriented task, you'll know you're making progress. You're becoming part of the circle, a person they feel they can trust and count on.

If, at any point, you realize that you weren't cut out for the father role, do the honorable thing and bow out of the picture gracefully as soon as you can. Whatever you do, don't let the children know it was because of them. They may come to regard themselves as pariahs and this could have negative effects on their long-term emotional health.

You might have a new project at work that will take up much of your time, or perhaps be starting a night course to upgrade your qualifications. There are many creative excuses as to why you won't be around as much anymore. Children are adaptable and they've already lost the most important man in their life, their dad. They won't miss you for long.

If you decide that you want to be part of the family on a permanent basis, congratulations! The rewards will be many, but always remember that, while the children's mother is your wife, you are not and can never be their father. Your role is to be a trusted friend and advisor. You support their mother, you formulate strategy together with her in private, but she must do the actual disciplining.

If you start bellowing like King Kong and issuing orders, you'll hear the stereotypical retort of unhappy stepchildren to an authoritarian stepparent: " I don't have to listen to you. You're not my father ( mother)!" Once the disrespect and bitterness sets in, it's hard to overcome.

You can see that, to enter into an endeavor like this, it's imperative that you have a basic love and interest in children and young people. If you don't, you'll never make it through the months and years ahead when these particular children will be an intricate part of your life, your family.

When you're old and gray, if you've fulfilled your chosen role well, these same children, then adults, will regard you with the same respect and affection as their mom. Families are meant to be forever. Though yours didn't start out in the usual way, it can end just as well.

Can you find the man of your dreams?

Eventually we girls all discover that the only place the man of our dreams exists is - just there, in our dreams.

The delusion begins, I think, in early childhood with fairy tales wherein the beautiful princess marries the handsome prince and everyone lives happily ever after. As we grow older, we play with Barbie and Ken dolls; they live glorious make-believe lives, dressed in elegant outfits, riding around in flashy cars, all the while sporting mindless, plastic smiles. It was difficult to imagine them having any problems. I mean, would Ken ever yell at Barbie for leaving the bathroom tap dripping? Not in your wildest dreams!

Most of the movies reinforce our unrealistic view of love and marriage. The stars may have some problems to overcome at the beginning of the story, but they invariably solve them and stroll off into the sunset,to love and cherish each other, in their mortgage-free mansion, for the rest of their natural lives. Even Beauty's Beast turned into a handsome prince at the conclusion the Walt Disney production.

And so, a young lady entering the dating scene may expect to find a living, breathing Ken doll waiting around the next corner, to sweep her away from her boring existence: school, homework, clean up your room, get off the phone, be home by ten on school nights. If anyone was ever in need of a dream man, it's she!

Whom does she probably encounter? A slightly older teenager with a bad complexion, droopy pants and a baseball cap on backward. His idea of a big date is a walk in the park and enjoying a Coke with two straws before he walks her home. She keeps looking, and looking and looking. She finds many beasts and not one of them shows the slightest sign of changing into anything better. Meanwhile, she is getting older. Her friends are getting married and some of them are becoming mothers. What to do?

Maybe she'll have to compromise. Even the beast didn't become a prince until the end of the story. So she chooses the least objectionable beau, hoping to be able to exert enough good influence to smooth out the rough spots and shape him into the man of her dreams, a husband fit for a princess, or, as she becomes when she marries him, a queen.

Eventually, the truth dawns. As she views her own marriage and those of her friends, she realizes that a dream man doesn't exist. Her husband, and those of her friends are human beings, and humans are not perfect. As she becomes older and more mature, she figures out that it's probably a good thing too. A perfect person would be very hard to live with.

Ten reasons to marry a geek

Ladies, if you want to live happily ever after, grab a geek. You may have difficulty, because geeks are notoriously shy. Check the libraries, art museums, cultural centers, as well as any sites of higher education in your area. If you succeed in finding one, open the conversation with a question, because geeks love to share knowledge. This type of guy makes the best husband. Here's why:


(1.) First of all, your family will approve of him. Geeks have mastered the art of behaving well in company. Their manners are impeccable; their language above reproach. Whatever the topic of conversation, they can add interesting tidbits of information. Your parents know instinctively that you will be safe when in the company of this intelligent young man.

(2.) If he proposes marriage, you can do all the planning for the wedding. The social particulars won't be of any interest to him. His mind will be on more important matters, like designing a car that runs on ginger ale. Call your mother and arrange the wedding you've always dreamed of.

(3.) After you're married, you'll have no financial worries. Your husband will be handsomely reimbursed for the plans to his radical new pollution-free automobile, plus numerous other innovative inventions and projects which his nimble mind has devised. You will often find yourself, smiling graciously, stylishly coifed and outfitted, standing on a podium with him, while he receives the accolades of his admirers.

(4.) All your girlfriends will envy you and wish that they had found a geek of their own. All your old boyfriends will be kicking themselves because they let you get away. They'll be sure you have some remarkable power to propel your mate to remarkable success in his chosen field.

(5.) Given their genetic inheritance, your children will be highly intelligent, with a few geniuses probable among the lot. There will be no bad report cards, complaining teachers, or worry about having to repeat a grade, in your family.

(6.) You and your children will travel the world in style. Besides the numerous business conferences your spouse must attend, there will be several holidays a year. Because he is so dedicated and industrious, he'll undoubtedly be obliged to take frequent breaks for health reasons. Since finances are not a problem, you should be able to span the globe eventually.

(7.) They say education is a lifetime endeavor and in your case it will certainly be so. Every day your spouse will share interesting opinions and information which you may have difficulty comprehending at first. Because he loves you, he'll enjoy patiently explaining everything until you understand thoroughly.

(8.) Because he is highly intelligent, his friends will be of the same calibre. Your circle will likely include specialists in science, education and technology. You'll meet dignitaries in many fields in various lands. You will have a fuller and more interesting existence than you ever thought possible.

(9.) You housekeeping or culinary skills will never be criticized. You could feed the average geek a hamburger from MacDonald's or oatmeal porridge. He'd finish either off contentedly, mutter, "Thanks, Dear, that was delicious.", and go off about his business. His mind may be occupied with the problem of eliminating pollution from jet-propelled snowboots.

(10.)Your geek husband will never be bossy or try to run your life. In fact, one of your major duties will be to keep track of his schedule and get him to the right place at the appropriate time. These types are notoriously absent-minded. If he has trouble managing his own schedule, he'll hardly be interested in arranging yours.

So, there you are, ladies. What more could any reasonable woman ask? You'll have no financial worries, be the envy of your friends, a world traveller, and have bright, cultured children. In everyday life, you'll be surrounded by interesting people, possess the latest in technology, yet remain free to follow your own interests and arrange your own schedule.

You'd better hurry out right now and grab a geek. When word gets around, everybody will want one. Then they'll be as scarce as hen's teeth, and you may be out of luck!

How to get a date with a complete stranger

You see a stranger, maybe at a party, whose appearance immediately attracts you.  He may not be the most glamorous person in the world, but there's just something about him... Maybe he resembles your dad or a favorite teacher. How can you arrange a date, so that you can become better acquainted?

First, you have to start a conversation. Is there anyone around who can introduce you? If not, approach in a non-threatening manner, with a smile and extended hand. "Hi, I'm Chris. May I ask you where you got that tie (or those earrings)? I'm looking for one just that shade for my dad's (or mom's) birthday."

Everyone loves to be asked for help or advice. You can choose any topic wherein he is likely to be more knowledgeable than you. He'll be happy to enlighten you. You could ask here if a spouse picked out the tie. If he's spoken for, you may as well stop now. Nothing but trouble and heartache lie down that path.If he's single, carry on.

Now that you're talking, try to broaden the focus. "Dad really hates wearing ties, but he works in a bank, so he doesn't have much choice. Do you normally look that great at work? If he's smiling, and seems interested, you can now find out where he works, if he's occupationally well-adjusted, and how he hopes his career will unfold in the future.

If you happen to be in the same field or a related one, you can proceed to discuss mutual business acquaintances, good outlets for your products, or available courses which would be helpful for promotion. You might decide to carpool to an upcoming lecture or seminar, all in the interest of business, of course.

If this avenue leads to a dead end, try another."Wow! You work so darn hard, you must need some pretty intensive down time. What do you do to relax?" If he mentions sports, movies, theater, anything that isn't a solo activity, you can suddenly develop an interest in the same pastime. This presents endless possibilities for shared pursuits.

Even if he only likes reading lengthy eighteenth century novels written in German, you can promise to browse your favorite book stores when you're there anyway, and call him if you find one by his favorite author. You'll need his phone number, of course.

At this point, you might decide to leave and grab a coffee at Tim Horton's. It's been a long day. Would he care to join you? If not, bid him a pleasant goodnight and remark that you enjoyed the conversation and hope to meet him again.

In a few days, you might come into possession of two tickets for one of his favorite pastimes. It seems a shame to go alone, when you are sure he would enjoy the evening too. He may be happy to join you. I hope you kept that phone number.

If you're really determined, you could actually hit the book stores and look for that German novel.

These strategies may help you meet some very interesting people. They work more often than not. For those times that they don't, dwell on positives. At least you have the satisfaction of knowing you gave it your best shot. Regard it as a practice run for when that really, really interesting person comes along. Every time, it will get easier. Sooner or later, you'll meet the one who was meant for you.

How to cope with being alone and childless

This title gives the impression that someone is feeling very sorry for themselves. "Poor me! I'm all alone. I have no children, no family nearby. Woe is me!"

The first thing to do is change that attitude. It's true that human beings are social animals; we are not meant to be alone. However, harboring such a gloomy outlook and hanging black crepe around is not going to improve the situation at all. Begin by counting your blessings.

Many people are childless by choice. The cost of raising a child today is over $200,000, plus unlimited demands on the parents' time and energy. Children are certainly a blessing, but they are also a huge, long-term responsibility. Being childless is a two-sided coin. Resolve for the next month to concentrate on the positive aspects.

You have no children, but you have more disposable income. You are not restricted by the inescapable responsibilities children bring. Your time is your own. Now, how will you choose to spend it?

Now, to the "alone" problem. Are you really alone? Do you live on a desert island in the middle of the ocean? Probably not. There are probably people within a quarter-mile radius of you right now.

The people in your neighborhood are not all members of big, happy families. They probably include seniors, shut-ins, widows and widowers, young working couples, divorced people, single parent families, just as wide a spectrum of human living arrangements as can be found in any contemporary community. Many of these people are in worse physical, emotional and mental states than you.

Now you have a choice. Will you continue to sit and wallow in self-pity or will you resolve to reach out and make a difference in your corner of the world?

Why not give it a try for one month? You can always return to the pity party later, if you find you are not happier being involved in the life of your community.

Here are some suggestions with which to start off:

* Make a mental inventory of your strengths. Are you good with children, with sick people, with the elderly? Volunteer in a school, a hospital or a seniors' home once a week.

* Find a church community where you feel comfortable. It doesn't matter whether you feel particularly spiritual or not. Churches have many social activities and members are usually friendly and welcoming.

* If you're really missing children, become a Big Brother or a Big Sister. You could be a significant part of a child's life by giving something his or her biological parents can't or won't provide.

* Get a computer. When you're connected to the Internet, the entire world is at your fingertips. Monitor one of the chat networks for awhile. Eventually, you may find that you want to add some comments of your own. Just be cautious about giving personal information until you're sure with whom you're dealing.

* Take a course which follows one of your areas of interest. You'll meet fellow students with a similar interest. Friendships may blossom which will be enriching for you both.

* If your living arrangements allow it, get a pet. You'd be amazed at how many people stop to admire a cute puppy or kitten on a leash when you take your pet for a walk.

* Don't be afraid to go places by yourself: a movie, the neighborhood coffee shop, the library, or the burger joint. If you're in a risky neighborhood, go during daylight hours. Many an interesting acquaintance has begun over a coffee at "Dunkin' Doughnuts".

* Everyone has to have some time alone, and many of us treasure those moments. Find an engrossing hobby, reading, writing, handwork, crosswords, something you enjoy, and save it for those moments. Enjoyable hobbies make time pass quickly.

If you follow the above regimen for one month, you'll discover that you're involved in interesting activities with new friends who will enrich your life even as as you are enriching theirs.

You may wish to write to a new title next time: " How to cope with having too many friends and too much to do".

How to regain self-confidence after a break-up

Break-ups are painful. It doesn't matter whether it's a marriage, a relationship, or a long-term friendship that has come to an end, parting and starting over is one of the more difficult tasks a person will confront during his lifetime.

The party who initiated the split usually has a less difficult time, but both individuals must adapt to thinking and acting independently again, to adjusting to new and different routines, and to meeting and interacting with new people.

The individual who receives notification that the break-up is imminent is in a less enviable position. He must deal with the initial shock or surprise, while exploring options and making plans for a more solitary lifestyle. He may also be plagued with questions which probably have no answers. "What did I do wrong?", " What should I have done differently?", "Why did this happen to me?"

The truth of the matter probably is that one person changed and grew in a new direction while the other didn't. Whether the change was for better or worse will remain to be seen, but meanwhile, their aims, values and desired lifestyles no longer coincide. It's nobody's fault, it's just the way things are.

How does the partner who is left, regain his or her self-confidence? There are a variety of measures to be taken, and one definite activity that must be avoided.. He must not sit around feeling sorry for himself and bemoaning his fate. He should begin immediately to implement some constructive strategies, such as the following:

* Make a list of all your abilities and strengths. Plan how to put them into use in ways that will benefit others. Are you good cook? Volunteer at a soup kitchen or take a meal to a shut-in neighbor. Are you sympathetic and a good listener? Visit seniors' residences or long-term care facilities, volunteer at the Distress Line. When you bring joy to others, and they depend on you. it does wonders for your self-confidence..

* Perk up your appearance. Have your hair done, your teeth whitened, buy a few new, sporty articles of clothing. Stand tall, smile and laugh, be pleasant to everyone. Cheerful, upbeat people are welcome almost anywhere, anytime.

* Contact old friends, especially the unattached ones. In any group of singles, somebody is always having a crisis of some sort . Be available to help out. Be the one everyone calls on when they're having difficulty. Nothing builds confidence like being needed and relied upon by others.

* Find a church congregation where you feel at home. Rediscover your inherent worth as a child of God. You were made to God's specific directions, and he deals in quality. There's a plan for your life and you are in the process of discovering it.

* In your spare time, if you have any, think about the person you'd like to have in your future, whether as a friend or as someone closer. Try to spend some time in places that type of person might be. If you want the quiet, knowledgeable type, visit the library several times a week. If you want a sports lover, go to ball games. If you want an animal lover, volunteer at the Humane Society.

* Remind yourself often that the world is full of millions of nice people, most of whom you've never met. There are thousands who would be compatible with you, but they won't come and find you if you're home feeling sorry for yourself. Get up, get out there and circulate! Believe that if you can brighten one other person's existence today, the entire day may be considered a success!

Later in life, when the break-up is only a dim memory, you may look back on it as one of the more fortunate episodes in your life. It enabled you to move on and to find the one with whom you were meant to have a special relationship for the rest of your days. It's been said that every cloud has a silver lining, but in this case, it may turn out to be a lining of eighteen-carat gold!