Students with higher IQs are the
bright lights in every classroom. They will learn a great deal on their own,
through reading, research, and discussions with peers and adults. While the
teaching staff of the school are carefully guiding the average and below-average
students so they will cover the core curriculum, the above-average youngsters,
having already mastered the course of studies, will be exploring other avenues
of interest.
They will dream about their
futures, about graduate school and the professions they wish to enter. These
young people will be the doctors, lawyers, and scientists of the future. They
are smart enough to realize that sex and serious relationships must be put on
the back burner for the present. Their first priority is likely to be the
completion of their education. When that goal is accomplished, they'll plan to
enter the work force with a job that earns sufficient money to support a family
comfortably.
They will also be familiar with
current events and knowledgeable about world affairs. They will have a desire
to travel, a curiosity to experience different cultures and to see other parts
of the world. Looking around at married friends and family, they will realize
that travel, after one is settled down with a young family, is very difficult.
Accordingly, they may make plans to see the world before becoming engaged in a
serious relationship.
These young people are
intelligent and responsible. Casual sex usually doesn't fit their persona. They
know that with any sexual activity, emotions invariably become involved. If one
or both partners are not ready to make a commitment, someone will get hurt. Who
needs the hassle? And, emotional trauma is the least of a series of negative
possibilities.
Most young people are aware of
the myriad of STD's (sexually transmitted diseases) prevalent in today's
society. The more intelligent ones are aware that an unplanned pregnancy could
end the bright futures they had so carefully planned. They are aware that
abstinence is the only sure method of birth control. Only a small percentage of
the more daring will risk ruining their promising future with a brief sexual
liaison, which will probably come to nothing in the end.
Intelligent students are usually
involved in, and proficient at, more activities than their less able fellows.
They haven't had to devote long hours to homework and study. They've had time
to develop other interests. They can sublimate their sexual urges with a
competitive game of softball or another sport, read, hang out with friends,
engage in heated debates, focus their attention on a challenging game of chess
or bridge. There are many alternate activities to sex, and the intelligent kids
will likely choose one or more of them, at least most of the time.
The study, which states that
students with high IQs are less likely to be sexually active, is correct. These
young people are smart enough to realize that it doesn't take much intelligence
to have sex; even animals do it. However, it does require brains to indulge in
this activity at the right time, with the right person, and under the right
circumstances. When one is ready to settle down, has found a partner with whom
he or she wants to spend the rest of their life, and a mutual commitment of
love and loyalty has been given and received, the intelligent students will
know, without a doubt, that the proper time for sexual activity has arrived.
If your latest romantic interest
has recently ended a marriage or long-term relationship, you may be wondering
if you are enmeshed in a rebound affair. These liaisons statistically end
badly. Once an individual works through his or her emotional pain from the previous
commitment, the "transitional relationship" usually ends.
There are definite signs which
indicate that a rebound affair is in progress. If you are wondering if your
relationship meets the criteria, here are some points to consider:
1. The first indication is one of
which you are already aware. Your partner recently ended a previous
relationship which he or she considered to be serious and probably expected to
be permanent or at least long-term. Typically, they did not institute the break-up;
it was forced upon them.
2. They may have a history of
going from one relationship right into another. They seem unable to enjoy being
alone. They would prefer to spend every waking moment in your company, and
could be described as being "clingy" and "needy".
3. After your first meeting, they
did not really take time to get to know you. They wanted to move quickly from
being merely an acquaintance into a serious, committed relationship.
4. They often talk about their
former partner, and compare you to their previous mate. Even if you benefit by
comparison, it's a still a bad sign. It shows their thoughts are still dwelling
on your predecessor.
5. They try to keep your romance
secret. Are they hoping that there may be a slight chance they will reconcile
with their former partner at some future time?
6. Alternately, they make an
effort to show off or broadcast your relationship. Are they trying to make
their former partner jealous?
7. He or she suggests visiting
places where they once had great times with their ex: a favorite restaurant,
coffee shop, or amusement park. All these excursions suggest your partner is
still living in the past; they are not yet ready to move on and create new
memories with you.
Statistics show that eight out of
ten rebound romances are doomed to failure. However, if you happen to be one of
the other two percent, how should you proceed?
If you want your new relationship
to work out, don't rush. Consider being a friend, rather than a lover. Don't
engage all your partner's free time. Give them the opportunity to reflect on
their loss, grieve, get over it, and get ready to move on.
Encourage their healthy
relationships with other friends and family members. While spending time with
others, they will have sympathetic listeners on whom they can unload emotional
hurts and scars, without involving you.
When the two of you are together,
spend time getting to know each other, engaging in fun activities and creating
fresh memories. Do not rush into any kind of physical intimacy.
Making a rebound relationship
work takes lots of time and patience. Once your romantic interest gets over the
pain and heartbreak resulting from the failure of the previous relationship,
and is emotionally healthy, he or she will be able to assess realistically the
current relationship with you.
If you have succeeded in becoming
a good, trusted, and valued friend, you will have an excellent chance of
becoming a permanent partner with whom he or she will be genuinely anxious to
live happily ever after.
You've had a dispute with your
partner, a serious one. He's disappeared from your life for the time being. It
didn't take long for misery to set in. You called to try to patch things up,
but he's not interested.. He thinks he may feel differently later, but right
now, he wants his space. You're alone and despondent. How can you help
yourself?
1. Talk it out. Call a friend and
share the bad news. "Misery shared is misery halved," goes the old
saying. Don't feel you're imposing, you two will probably switch roles in the
future. One of the benefits of close friendship is having a pseudo-psychologist
available when you need one.
2. Try self-talk to work up some
anger. "Who on earth does he think he is? God's gift to women? I'm
supposed to sit around waiting until he decides whether or not I'm worthy of
his attention? Well, we'll just see about that!"
3. Start a project, a demanding
one. When I was in this situation, I started to knit a bulky sweater with an
intricate pattern. I told myself it was for my new boyfriend, who was right
around the next corner. It was average size, so it would also have fit the
former one if I ever decided to give him another chance.
4. Look up old friends with whom
you may have lost touch. Arrange to go out for a drink or a coffee. Let it be
known that you are unattached and available.
5. Make an effort to go some
places unescorted: church, the library, lunch or dinner at places you would
like to go with a new partner. He might already be there waiting to meet you.
6. Pamper yourself with a
makeover. Get a new hairstyle. Have your nails done. Lose a few pounds if you
need to. Splurge on some flattering new clothes or jewellery.
7. See the latest movies, watch
popular TV shows, listen to the top music groups. Read the newspapers. These
will all be good conversation topics when that interesting person comes along.
You don't want to be considered "uncool".
8. Sign up for a course, one that
will improve your chances for promotion at work, or just an interest course
you'll enjoy. Don't be afraid to go alone. Sharing a common interest in course
material is a great conversation starter.
9. Paint your apartment.
Rearrange the furniture. Add some colorful new accent pieces. Imagine welcoming
your new beau to your attractive living quarters. Practice elegant dishes
you'll serve for your first meal together.
10. Avoid any place where you
might encounter your old flame. If you're going to get over him, he must be out
of sight, as well as out of mind. You have better fish to fry. Onward and
upward!
You'll know your lovesickness is
cured when someone mentions your old flame's name, and you have to stop and
think for a moment where you've heard it before.
I've written this essay from a
woman's perspective, because that's the one I'm know. I think it should work
equally well for lovesick males.
The only way to find out if a guy
is a frog or a prince is to spend a little time getting to know him. It's
worthwhile to remember that a true prince may be very frog-like at first
glance, but if you take time to look beneath the warts and mud, you may find a
young man waiting for the right princess to help him assume his true form.
H
ere are some helpful hints to
help discover what lies under the slimy, green exterior:
* Is he neat and clean? Good
personal hygiene is a priority. He doesn't need be extremely handsome, in fact,
it's better if he is not. That type are likely to be conceited and may be very
hard to hold on to. You know how slippery frogs are.
* Listen carefully when he
speaks. Is he polite and respectful? Do you find his grammar and expressive vocabulary
acceptable? Could you happily listen to this manner of speaking for the rest of
your life?
* Your cultural backgrounds and
religions should be the same, or at least compatible. Even after he becomes
your prince, will he expect you to dress in forest green and eat flies with
him?
* Check his family background. If
his parents enjoyed a happy, long-term marriage, he will probably expect to
have the same. When you meet his parents, see if their relationship is one of
ease and affection, or if they often snipe and criticize each other. This may
be how he may relate to his mate, once the initial glow of romance fades.
* You should have similar
educational backgrounds. A girl as wise as an owl will not be happy with a
croaking amphibian.
* If you want to have a family,
arrange to babysit young relatives together. Does he relate well to children?
Also discuss ideas of a perfect family size. There are a multitude of tadpoles
in a normal frog family.
* Is he occupationally
well-adjusted? If he's happy in his work and makes enough to support a family,
that's a big plus. It's also an asset if he's normally ambitious, but let the
workaholic hop away.
* Check out his friends and
extended family members. They will be part of your life too if you choose to
stay with him. If you usually associate with eagles and most of his family and
friends are frogs, there's bound to be be trouble.
* Observe his immediate
environment. If his apartment, his car, his desk, or any space for which he is
personally responsible is dusty, cluttered and in need of cleaning, don't
expect much help with the housework.
* Finally, look honestly at his
faults and bad habits. Everybody has some. Does he lie, cheat, talk about his
friends behind their backs, cheat on his taxes? Is he cheap, bad tempered,
inconsiderate, and selfish? Has it been his custom to go carousing with the boy
frogs several nights a week? Even princesses cannot eliminate basic character
flaws completely.
If you've reviewed the above
criteria, and decided that the young man rates a "satisfactory" for
most of the items, and you think you can live with the others, congratulations!
You've found your prince.
You can begin to plan for a
lavish royal wedding. Since he probably isn't the Greek god type, you won't
need to worry about the other girls stealing him away, but if I were you, I'd include
many trousseau items in an alluring forest green shade just be on the safe
side.
There are certain guys about whom
you should never get serious. One of these types is the player who enjoys
collecting girlfriends as shoppers collect air miles. After a few dates, you'll
begin to suspect that your feelings for him are deeper than his are for you.
He may string you along, because
he really does enjoy your company, but he has no intention of entering a
serious relationship. He likes you all right but not in "that" way.
Although he may not come right out and state his intentions, or rather, lack of
them, there will be certain signs which a clever girl will learn to identify:
* He never dresses up for a date.
He's always in casual attire. He could be going out with you or meeting the
guys for a drink at the corner pub. There's no indication from his outfit that
a date with you is anything special in his normal routine.
* He calls at the last minute and
expects you to drop everything and join him for the activity of the day. He
often suggests going "dutch", because he's a little short of cash at
the moment.
* Several times he has canceled
dates at the last moment, because something else had come up. The more clever
men will think up quite plausible excuses. The slower ones will not be as
creative. Could a young person possibly have nine sick friends with whom he has
to sit, in the space of six weeks?
*You won't hear from him for a
week or two, only to have him resurface with no explanation for his absence. If
you ask where he has been, he becomes quite defensive. "What are you, my
mother or something?"
* He spends almost as much time
with your brother, sister, or other family members, as he does with you. He
enjoys spending time at your house, whether you're there or not. This may be a
good quality, except when you begin to wonder just who his favorite family
member is.
* He's conspicuously absent on
Valentine's Day.
* He will avoid being identified
as your escort to any significant public event, such as a wedding, a funeral,
or a graduation. If he agrees to go at all, he'll meet you there, and spend
most of the time circulating. He does not want the two of you classed as a
"couple".
*You'll receive generic gifts for
Christmas and your birthday, nothing at all romantic: a subscription to "
Newsweek", a barometer, a framed print of a moose in the wild, or
something along those lines.
* He'll probably have a cutesy
nickname for you that implies friendly affection, but not romantic interest,
such as Curly-top or Smiley.
* Finally, in frustration, you'll
have to come right out and ask him directly where he thinks this
"alliance" is going. He'll probably become quite indignant and
inquire why you want to spoil a good thing. You enjoy each other's company, and
that should be enough. He has no plans to change the status quo. This is your
signal that it's time to move on.
Dispirited as you may be,
delaying the parting of the ways is futile. By remaining, you are enabling this
would-be Peter Pan to carry on with his carefree, comfortable lifestyle with no
commitments and no responsibilities. You are doing no favor to him or to
yourself.
He is only wasting your time. You
have girlfriends whose company you enjoy, and for whom you don't need to put
the rest of your life on hold. Chalk up the situation to experience.
Remember the signs of a boyfriend
who only wants to be a friend, and move on to find a love which is the real
thing. You'll probably be settled down, and well on your way to "happily
ever after", while he's still fooling around, trying to avoid growing up.
How can you find the right
partner if you're not sure what you're looking for? The first step in your
search must be to take a long, careful at yourself.
Assess your personality, your likes
and dislikes, your lifestyle and idiosyncrasies. This may take some deep
reflection. You may need to spend several sessions on your quest for
self-knowledge.
1. Start a journal
entitled: "All About Me". Write down the results of your self-reflection.
It may be as lengthy as you wish but don't expect that you'll finally finish.
Even the final draft will need revision as you date potential partners and find
other character traits which you simply cannot tolerate.
You might realize that you are
essentially an introvert. You like books, TV, home movies, animals, and family
celebrations. You have an excellent work ethic and after a busy day on the job
you prefer to spend quiet evenings at home. You can cook the necessary basics
to sustain life, but cooking is not your favorite activity.
Weekends are quiet, except for a
visit to your parents, and church on Sunday. You absolutely hate the idea of
hunting and fishing for sport, because of the suffering caused to the creatures
involved. Also, the use of crude or offensive language is an immediate turnoff
for you.
2. Reread your description
of yourself and using it as a reference, try to imagine a person who
would be your ideal mate. You can use the
second half of your journal for this endeavor and entitle it "All About
Him/Her".
Obviously, he must be steadily
employed. Since your work is such an important part of your life, you would not
respect a freeloader. He should enjoy quiet evenings at home, and not be
seriously into the bar scene. If he were moderately sociable, it would be an
asset; it might draw you out of your shell, but you would certainly not
tolerate someone loud or brash.
His language must be smooth and
respectable. He must not be a hunter or fisherman. If he enjoyed watching
sports on TV, would you be content to read a book? Now is the time to consider
it. He should be satisfied with plain cooking and not expect his mate to whip
up gourmet fare. If he, himself enjoyed cooking, that would be an important plus.
Now you have a basic blueprint
for your ideal partner. It's time for Step Three.
3. Start the actual search. Your character outline will provide clues
as to where to look: the library, book stores, movie rental shops, restaurants
serving wholesome, family-style meals, evening courses, laundromats, grocery
stores, political meetings. Share with friends the type of mate you're seeking.
They may arrange a blind date, or have helpful suggestions to add to the front
or the back half of your journal.
As your character sketch becomes
more detailed, you'll be able to decide very quickly whether or not the date of
the day is a potential lifetime partner.
4. Keep searching, no
matter how long it takes. Your future is important, and a lifetime of happiness and wedded bliss
hang in the balance. Be careful that you don't compromise too many of your
stipulations.
This is definitely one time you
should not settle for second best.
If you're currently unattached
and feel ready to look for a life partner, you should consider formulating a
personal policy for dealing with blind dates. Some friends and family members
will undoubtedly try to play matchmaker at one time or another and urge you to
meet "someone who's just right for you". If you let your preferences
be known ahead of time, you will perhaps be spared some unpleasant or boring
evenings with someone you wouldn't choose to accompany anywhere at all!
Below are some areas to which you
might want to give some consideration.
* Age: my personal
preference would be to meet someone no more than five years younger or ten
years older than myself.
* Language: a blind date
should speak English, or another language in which you are fluent. If you can't
communicate, you won't discover the interesting details ( both favorable and
unfavorable) about their personality. Familiarity with many languages is an
asset, but you must be able to exchange ideas freely.
* Height and Weight:
everyone will have his or her own preferences, and some will be more definite
about their likes and dislikes in this area than others. Most people would
prefer a date within normal limits for height and weight.
* Children: are you
willing to date someone with children? Keep in mind that, by doing so, you are
raising the possibility that someday in the future, you may become a step parent.
* Occupation: are there
jobs you find distinctly off-putting, or disgusting such as someone who works
in a slaughter house, a fish factory or maybe a mortician? If so, it's better
to disqualify these types of blind dates before you waste even one evening.
* Salary range: most
people will want someone who is at least self-supporting. If you are planning
on a marriage in which both partners work, you may be a little more flexible on
the matter of your date's salary range.
* Personality type: if you
are a Type A, a go-getter, a restless person who loves to travel and seldom
sits still, you won't be happy for long for with a stick-in-the-mud who loves
to sit, read and watch TV.
By all means, let well-meaning family and friends know when you are interested
in going on blind dates. By doing so, you'll enlarge your circle of possible
new contacts. Those closest to you will want to help and you have the assurance
of knowing that they are sincerely interested in your welfare.
To help avoid hurt feelings and
wasted evenings, share the list of the criteria upon which you have decided. Be
sure to stress that they are just guidelines. Your soul mate may not fulfill
one or two of your qualifications, but be perfect in ways that are even more
important. It's important, when going the blind date route, to keep an open
mind and a keen sense of adventure.
Alert the Search Committee when
you're ready to begin. Now, all you need to do is go home and wait for the
phone to ring. Have fun!
